According to the annual report from the Cayman Islands Department of Public Safety Communications (DPSC) cell phones that dangle in your purse or you sit on them will opt to call 911 for help. They don’t like it.

The Report (see today’s Front Page story “Cayman Islands Public Safety Communications reports nearly 21% more 911 calls”) states the number of 911 telephone calls showed a dramatic increase of 20.5% over the prior year. According to the department, the increase can be blamed on abandoned or hang-up calls caused by persons sitting on their phone or letting it bang around in their purse, inadvertently calling 911.”

It would appear to me then that women are mainly to blame. How many men carry purses to put their cell phone in? As for men sitting on their cell phone? They would notice that immediately. Men place their cell phones in their side trousers pocket. Women often just put their cell phones down on the first available flat surface they see. Usually a seat.

So women – you are the culprit. Own up. You know I am right.

And your cell phone doesn’t like it one bit. Their calls for help were answered , according to the Report within 10 seconds – 97% of the time.

I wonder what the dispatcher must have thought to be told by the cell phone, “Help!. I am being banged by Perce!” Or, “Help, I am being sat upon!”

A minute and a half later and help was on the way.

The Report gives a nice glowing red mark to the way our Public Safety Communications are handled. Even though the number of 911 calls went up, the time it takes to answer and process those calls went down.

The Electronic Monitoring Centre (EMC) conducted 120 case reviews with the goal of determining how well the EMC staff processed offender violation alerts. The average score reported was 92.2% according to the Report.

And you are likely to be on Candid Camera. There were 370 requests from police for copies of video images from the National CCTV Programme. Assistant Director Julian Lewis said that police will search CCTV video after a crime occurs and if they find something significant for evidentiary or investigative purposes, then they request a copy of the video from the department. After 60 days, the video is automatically purged from the National CCTV Programme servers.

Big Brother or Sister is watching out – sorry, I mean, watching over you. Not me. I rarely go out. I’m too busy sitting at a computer worrying and wondering, “What on earth am I going to write about today?”

Wait. My cell phone is ringing……….. It’s someone called Perce. I’ll just hang up or sit on my cell phone.