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Quit your day job now

Most of us would stop working if we could. Quit immediately and here’s why.

1.         You’ll have more time to devote to reading my articles and columns. This will enable me to become a household name at our unemployment office.

2.         It will make you feel wonderful. For about 10 minutes you’ll be on cloud nine, you’ll be on top of the world, and you’ll be living the good life. Then you’ll start worrying about all those bills you have to pay. All this will depress you to the point of assisted suicide.

3.         Daytime television is the most exciting and captivating television around. You’ll wonder how you ever survived without all those quality soap operas, daytime talk shows, and judge shows where you get the sinking suspicion that the judge has been paid off. When you combine this with all the informative commercials that air during the daytime like: ‘Teach yourself to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days’, ‘How to become a septic tank scrubber,’ and you’ll not only wonder why you didn’t quit your job sooner.

4.         In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls.

5.         Dragging yourself out of bed every morning at 7:30 a.m. is not good for your health. Your doctor will be proud of you for caring about your body’s well being. He will not, however, see you as a patient anymore because you no longer have health insurance.

Feel free to say Georgina told me to do it.


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