November 28, 2023

My life was perfect but I was absolutely numb. I discovered I was experiencing anhedonia, and it made me feel less alone

From Special Dispatch

Looking back, it seems odd that a call with the best news of my career convinced me to change my life. After months of research for a book I’d always wanted to write, it was my agent on the line. Great news. A major publisher was offering a generous five-figure deal for a book I’d always wanted to write.

As she delivered the news, I heard myself making the right noises: “Amazing … brilliant … great.” But far from feeling joy, I felt nothing. It was if the words were coming from some disembodied me. When I ended the call, I knew I should have felt euphoric. Instead, I felt numb.

After that day, I started noticing this disconnect more. I couldn’t understand it. After all, I wasn’t depressed. I was a get-things-done career woman, with a lovely husband and two happy, healthy daughters. I’ve always loved music. Now when I heard my favorite songs, the chills no longer came.  My Instagram looked like a multicolored patchwork quilt of fabulousness. The reality was, life felt grey, no matter what I did. Surely, I couldn’t be the only person who felt like this?

Continued here

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