September 18, 2020

The funniest reviews of a product you will ever read

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Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml

Product Description

Veet For Men Gel Creme is a quick and effective way to remove body hair leaving your skin feeling smoother for up to twice as long as shaving. Get smooth results in as little as four minutes, with an easy rinse-off formula that allows you to use it in the shower. No razor rash and no prickly regrowth. Leave on for between 4-6 minutes, no longer. Suitable for the back, chest, arms, legs and underarms only. Always follow the directions for use.

Ingredients

Aqua, Urea, Potassium, Thioglycolate, Calcium Hydroxide,

Cetearyl Alcohol, Ceteareth-20, PPG-15 Stearyl Ether,

Magnesium Trisilicate, Potassium Hydroxide, Propylene Glycol,

Lithium Magnesium Sodium Silicate, Paraffinum Liquidum,

Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis Oil, Acrylates Copolymer, Aloe Barbadensis, Sodium Gluconate, BHT, Hydrated Silica, Parfum,

Hexyl Cinnamal, Butylphenyl Methylpropional, Alpha-Isomethyl, Ionone, CI 77891

These are a sample only and highly edited of the 470 reviews of this product that appears on the amazon.co.uk web site.

  1. Do not put on K & B (genitals)

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my k & b. The b’s I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don’t have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON K & B.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my b’s might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

  1. LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION

I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman’s log cabin, so for the past few years I’ve used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I’m sure you’ve realised this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I’m going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.

Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I’ve spent the last four hours staring fixedly at ***** (a lady), all to no avail. My ***** hasn’t even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it’s only because I wanted children.

3.  Not for nose hair

Although I understood the part about ‘intimate use’ I could not find anything about this not being for nose or ear hair. I get fed up with constantly cutting myself whilst trying to cut my ear and nose hair with a pair of Kitchen Scissors, so I decided that this product would work for me. I rubbed it up into my nostrils and around the outside of my ears. Very soon the burn started and trust me it really makes your eyes water. Probably more than if it was on your k or b like the other reviewer did. If your eyes do water, make sure the product is not on your hands when you go to wipe your eyes as this product also removes eyelashes and eyebrows and makes your eyes water even more. I look like I have been put on a sunbed for too long and people keep asking me why I am crying.

4.  Good results at first interrogation

Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.

AND THE LAST

5. Sweet Baby Jesus deliver me from this torment

Possessing as I do a genital cluster that bears an uncanny resemblance (and indeed aroma) to Chewbacca’s armpit, I decided to purchase this product. Upon applying the cream to my k & b, I was taken aback by a sudden and disturbing gasping noise, followed by a sound that I can only describe as the horrific howlings from Satan’s own Hell Hound, Cerberus. As I whirled around to view the source of the noise, I perchanced to glance in the bathroom mirror, and, seeing my own mouth stretched agape in a terrible rictus of agony, I deduced the sound was coming from me.

My eyes widening with mounting horror, I surveyed the damage occurring to my k & b with no small sense of panic. My pubes were actually bubbling and fizzing, in much the same way they might if one of James Cameron’s Aliens had just sprayed their acid blood upon them. There were no swear words strong enough to adequately describe the agony, and in my delirium I began making them up. I don’t recall exactly what I screamed, but I’m fairly sure the entirely-new expletive “funting” was employed.

With as much haste as I could muster I hobbled into the shower and applied cooling water to the conflagration in my crotch, which only served to spread the napalm to my perineum. I am not a church-going man but as I felt the flaming horror trickle across that tender inch of no-man’s land, I confess that I prayed aloud to Jesus and his host of angels that the advancing agony would not stray into my buttonhole. However, my prayers went unheeded, and as I felt the liquid inferno sizzle its way into my most private of eyes, I lost consciousness, but not before grabbing the shower curtain and collapsing, in a disturbing echo of that famous scene from Hitchcock’s “Psycho”. Although believe me, being hacked to death by Norman Bates in a dress would have been a walk in the park compared to the searing agony I endured that fateful day.

So now you know. If you purchase this product, men, you have been warned.

If these aren’t funny enough there are another 465 (at the last count) for you to look at. Go to:

www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

We did find one review from a female it said:

“IS THIS REAL? Ten out of ten for making us howl with laughter! Certainly brightened up our day! Not laughed so much in ages!”

This writer echoes that.

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