September 29, 2020

I want to be wanted


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“I Want to be Wanted” was a popular song in 1960 that was sung by American pop/country singer Brenda Lee. Although originally an Italian song it had different English lyrics written by Kim Gannon. The song starts:

“(Wanted, wanted)

Alone, so alone that I could cry

I want to be wanted (wanted).”

The song ends:

“Alone, just my lonely heart knows how

I want to be wanted, wanted right now

Not tomorrow, but right now

I want to be wanted.

“I want someone to say good morning and good night to

Someone I know that I will always have the right to

Where is this someone somewhere meant for me?

“Someone, somewhere

Meant for me.”

The lyrics are a cry for help. Am I wanted? Does anyone need me?

Have you ever asked these questions to yourself? If you haven’t, you are a very lucky person.

We all have our self-esteem. Along with our self-esteem, we also have a desire that someone should need us. That someone should want us. A mother is delighted when her children come shouting to her and ask for food. As the children grow up, they become self-reliant and move away. They no longer want the mother for anything. This creates a vacuum in her life, that she tries to fill with other work, but the satisfaction is not same. This is equally true for fathers. It is equally true with office workers who are depended upon for any task. If they feel that they are not wanted, they not only lose their self-esteem, but also feel very lonely.

The desire of others to fulfill their needs connects us with them. It also gives us a great sense of self worth. And that is very important. A mother wanting love needs her children to fulfill that. As the children grow up, they are not able to give that love to their mother. An innocent young child can give that satisfaction, not a young person of say thirty years of age! In this situation, the children also begin getting the feeling that as they grow up, they are not wanted by their mother to fulfill her need of love. Earlier in their childhood, they had the feeling of worth, that their mother wanted their love. As they grow up this lessens. They cannot fulfill it. This change creates a feeling of vacuum in children as well.

Feeling of being wanted is very important to give us the sense of self worth. A husband feels good when his wife wants him. Take the case of a husband, whose wife does not need him to fulfill any of her wants. Imagine a situation where she has enough money of her own, knows how to run the home without any help, can manage without fulfilling physical needs and therefore needs her husband for nothing. What would be the life of such a husband? Will he feel good about himself? No. He is not wanted.

Divorce is where this feeling of not being wanted really hits home. When my husband at the time gave me an envelope and left very quickly, I knew something was wrong. When I read the letter from a lawyer telling me he had instigated divorce proceedings the emotion of not being wanted exploded inside me. I still, many years later, feel this same emotion when I replay the scene back in my head. And then at the hearing to find out why you are not wanted by the person you have lived with for so long.

This is equally true for wives who are still married. This is true for all of us. We all have the inner desire that someone should depend upon us for a need that can be fulfilled only by us. This is true for friendships, work, family, and in every relationship. One needs the self-esteem that comes from the feeling that one is wanted.

In our day-to-day life, we get so involved with urgency and work that we stop noticing the need of others to feel wanted. Kindly look around yourself and find out if anyone close to you may be facing this. If you find out that someone is not getting this satisfaction, you should give that by all the means. You will be helping that person immensely. You will be helping a person live with self-esteem again.

“Alone, just my lonely heart knows how

I want to be wanted (wanted) right now

Not tomorrow, but right now

I want to be wanted.”



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